So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
