The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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