I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
