So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
