I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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