I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
