Just took my morning after pill in the library
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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