I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
