Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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