I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
