I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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