so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
