Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize