Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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