It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
