he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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