you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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