Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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