Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
