brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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