Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
