dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
