Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
