The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
