Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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