WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize