I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
