You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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