Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
