I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
