I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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