Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
