she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
