Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This house was built for laser tag.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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