Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
