I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
