he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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