remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
