I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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