Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
