I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
