My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
