I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
