Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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