I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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