I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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