dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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