i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
