If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
