There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
