My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
