I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's great music for shaving your balls
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
