My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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