you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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