My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
