im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
