She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
