Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
