he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
