Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
