I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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