Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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