i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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