im about as happy as oj after his trial
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
