I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
