The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
