where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
