We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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