i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
