Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
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She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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