Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
