dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
